With fairly apparent reasons, summers have always been my season for writing. What, with the ample time staying idle and the seemingly inability to come up with activities to practically busy oneself with, one would resort to writing from notes or memos to short stories that don’t live up to their names.
But this summer has been particuarly different in that I have been dodging the calls of my lover that is writing. Like a teenager willing to get rid of a persistent suitor, I have become creative in coming up with excuses not to write. I decided to put this hobby on hold until I get back from Manila when I’ve already within my grasp different colors of my favorite (and most fruitful) pens. Call me crazy but pens to me are like wands to wizards. Now, I’m back home and I’m still finding difficulty concentrating on being the usual me.
Who I am today is who I am as a writer. It has taught me to shut up. It’s no big secret that one has to have a good command of the language to come up with avid readers and listeners. That is, unless one is doing an entry on a private blog. But who does that nowadays? And while I gather friends and acquaintances when I speak, I isolate myself in my own world where the skies are green, seated at the cushioned chair and a hot choco on one hand as the stream of ideas in my mind find their way into the piece of paper in front of me. This is the only moment when I could say that writing has tamed me. It made me realize that while I can be talkative and capable of coming up with quick retorts like they were reflexes of my body, I can also be at loss of words when trying to think of what to write next.
I haven’t been in any romantic relationships. From the looks of it, I won’t be a very good partner. I can be stubborn and not give my all when I don’t feel like pleasing others. I especially hate it when writing becomes a demand, because then I turn up a mediocre paper. That’s like being the weak girl in the story who throws in tantrums, gets emotional and just breakdown as if she’s just emerged from a bad break-up. To top it all off, my being a constantly time-challenged student has kept this relationship on-the-rocks for so long.
But I could also be the one initiating the relationship. I can get aggresive from grabbing a pen and a fancy paper to opeing a notepad in the middle of a movie afraid that a spontaneous idea would vanish into thin air. But life can be cruel at times when writing materials are scarce and the brain fluorishes with ideas. Then, we are left with no choice but to make mental notes to self.
Up to now, it has been a relationship of all sorts: long distance, as I could only be that productive when summer gets around like lovers oceans apart; or the out-of-way on and off relationship, switched on when I feel like keeping in touch, and off when priorities have to be reformed.
Unlike other interests that sprout only during the summer, this summer fling has got to last forever. I could only wait for the day when neither time nor school could be obstacles to this relationship. Only then may I conclude that love does conquer all.
Written on April 28, 2012